The best… and the rest

So, just over a week back in Blighty now… and already it’s feeling like the trip was something that happened to some other family a long time ago… The UK has greeted us with grey skies and temperatures a solid 30 degrees lower than we’d grown used to. Oh, and presented us with colds too. Still, at least we were back in time for the solar eclipse (what solar eclipse?). We really did miss friends and family, though, and catching up with them, and a little bit of domestic normality has actually been wonderful.

This week has involved a lot of cleaning, sorting and organising, inevitably. It will take some time to rationalise the 6000+ photos we took (Don’t worry – no-one will be subject to more than 1000 in one sitting…), but we have already had a go at metaphorically boxing up our memories in the lists below.

Best towns and cities

* LA, USA

* Christchurch, NZ

* Queenstown, NZ

* Oamaru, NZ

* Sydney, Australia

* Broken Hill, Australia

* Adelaide, Australia

* Kuching, Malaysia

* Georgetown, Penang, Malaysia

* Chiang Mai, Thailand

* Luang Prabang, Laos

* Hoi An, Vietnam

* Hanoi, Vietnam

Best towns that are anagrams of each other

* Hanoi * Hoi An

Best accommodation

* Campervanning New Zealand!

* Hot Water Beach (rental house), Coromandel Peninsula, New Zealand

* Brides Chalet (rental house), Margaret River, Australia

* Good Times Resort, Kanchanaburi, Thailand

* Lanta Residence, Ko Lanta, Thailand

* Chatrium, Bangkok, Thailand

* Suntisook Resort, Ko Yao Noi, Thailand

* Four Seasons (not the luxury chain!), Hue, Vietnam

(The last two were two of the cheapest places we stayed, but with undoubtedly the best, most personal service.)

Amazing (often unexpectedly) places

* Kuang Si Falls, Laos – extremely tough climb, rewarded by amazing views at the top

* The White Temple, Chiang Rai – insane Buddhist wedding cake fantasy

* The Getty Centre, Los Angeles – just beautifully done, a building amazing to walk around even without the art

* Ancient Bristlecone Pine forest, California – 4000-year-old trees

* Auckland Art Gallery – we were jet lagged, and had low expectations

* The Waterworks, New Zealand – bizarre collection of water-related games and exhibits, kept us amused for hours

* Oamaru & the Steam Punk Museum, New Zealand – not an obvious sightseeing destination, but we loved it (and it was also the place where we found Kattee mk2!)

* The Moeraki Boulders, and Castle Hill Rocks, New Zealand – beautifully bizarre freaks of nature

* Busselton Jetty, Australia – the 2km pier that keeps on giving

* Conspicuous Beach, Australia – those amazing sand dunes

* The Treetop Walk, Australia – as good as Bill Bryson said it was

* Flee 60, Penang – bonkers escape room fun

* 7 Levels waterfall, Langkawi – cooling off was never so necessary!

* Mu Lanta National Park, Ko Lanta, Thailand – along with the roller coaster bike ride to get there

* COPE Centre, Vientiane, Laos – life affirming and impressive

* An Bang Beach, Hoi An, Vietnam – serious contender for best beach of entire holiday

* Night Market, Luang Prabang, Laos – best market of the trip (and believe me, we went to a few!)

. * The Citadel, Hue – a mini Forbidden City

* The Ho Chi Minh complex, Hanoi – slightly bonkers but fascinating

* Lumpini Park, Bangkok – a mini version of NY’s Central Park

Best wildlife

* Giant monitor lizard, Ayutthaya, Thailand (close on croc size!)

* Assorted other monitor lizards in Malaysia and Thailand

* Orang-utans, Borneo, Malaysia * Long-tailed macaques, Thailand

* Tree vipers, Langkawi, Malaysia

* Dugite (snake), Cape Naturaliste, Aus (disappointingly the only deadly creature we saw in the wild in Oz!)

* Wallaby, Broken Hill, Australia * Emus, Outback NSW, Australia

* Yellow-eyed Penguins, nr Dunedin, NZ

Best trees

* South-west Australia (The majesty of those giant Karris, Jarrahs and Tingles lives with us still…)

Bravest food moments

* Jon & Sel eating brains congee (a sort of rice porridge) and Joe and Charlie eating chilli-packed giant snails in Hoi An, Vietnam

Where would we love to return to?

Not many places – we’re not really returners, but… we’re already dreaming of going back to…

* New Zealand – in 10 years time. Believe the hype.

* SE Asia, generally… We thought we’d had our fill of pho a week or so ago, but we’re already thinking wistfully about those wonderful landscapes, the warmth of the people, the balmy climate, the fabulous food… Next time: Cambodia, Burma, Indonesia…

…and where would we not?

* Langkawi (Nice enough, but proof to us that we’re really not ‘resort people’; in fact, we would definitely have reduced the length of our ‘island hopping’ leg given our time again)

Comedy/nadir moments

* Almost missing our Milford Sound cruise because the campervan got stuck in mud; it took 3 hefty NZ-ers to help shift it, and we made it with minutes to spare

* Sel’s two -hour leg wax on a Thai Beach, cold wax heated by hairdryer (not very efficient really!)

* Being welcomed at our Hanoi Airport guesthouse by an owner almost incoherently drunk on whisky (‘You are English. You must get me Wayne Rooney shirt – not a copy, only original!’)

* Day 1 of our Laotian Mekong cruise – Sel was extremely annoyed at the lack of family provision in the seating arrangements; if looks could have killed, only half the passengers would have made it to the half way point of Pak Beng

* Charlie throwing chopsticks across a restaurant in Hue, Vietnam, in fit of pique (though perhaps only in retrospect!)

* Walking into our sub-hostel room at Phil Inn, Singapore; Sel immediately bursting into tears and making us leave to find the nearest bar

Magic/zenith moments

* Seeing our lovely friends Jim & Elaine and Lesley & James again (after almost 10 years in both cases!) in California, USA

* Joe learning to boogie board at Stinson Beach (notorious for sharks!), California

* Morro Bay, California – morning mist, the untamed Pacific, boys running into the waves

* Universal Studios, LA – not just for the kids!

* Being miraculously located by our Kiwi friend Kyra in a random campsite on the edge of Lake Dunstan in New Zealand

* The entirety of the campervanning experience in NZ… just do it!!

* Zip-lining in Chiang Mai, Thailand

* Powerboating in Queenstown, NZ

* Many wonderful, life-affirming walks – Mount Aspiring, Glenorchy and the volcanic Waimangu Valley in NZ, Sentinel Point in Yosemite, USA, and the short trek in Khao Sok National Park, Thailand (because it far exceeded expectations!)

* Charlie’s infatuation with acoustic guitar duo Brittany and Georgia, and sublime pizza, in the Church Bar in Bathurst, Australia

* Day 2 of the Mekong cruise, we bagged a table and all was right with the world

* The awesomely desolate Dubbo to Broken Hill drive through the NSW Outback – the joys of the wide open road

* Unexpectedly finding the most amazing Thai food in a tiny café in Sangkhlaburi, and watching the owner cycling off to pick up beer and groceries for our meal (we were the only customers)

* Driving the astonishing coast road from Hue to Hoi An – rightly dubbed “a deserted ribbon of perfection” by Jeremy Clarkson

* Stargazing in the Outback with Linda from Broken Hill

* Sunday morning spent with Mina learning to cook the Thai way, in Ko Yao Noi

* Scuba diving in Thailand (Jon & Joe)

* Releasing Chinese lanterns into the night sky over the River Kwai with the boys and another Charlie, the lovely owner of Good Times Resort in Kanchanaburi

* Swimming in the Andaman Sea off Ko Sukorn on Christmas Day

* The night train to Ayutthaya, watching Dr Who with the boys and seeing the sun come up

* Supping Singapore Slings in Raffles Hotel, Singapore (a much needed antidote to the Phil Inn catastrophe – see above)

* Dancing around our suite (free upgrade!) in the divine Chatrium hotel in Bangkok

Most annoying moments/things we WON’T miss

* How low the convenience of pedestrians is ranked in parts of SE Asia (Georgetown, Hanoi, etc)

* The ubiquity of litter, and the obliviousness of the locals to it in most of SE Asia

* For Joe: Being (repeatedly) asked if he and Charlie were twins

* For Charlie: Being (repeatedly) photographed by SE Asian tourists/locals because he is “So cute!!!”

* For both boys: Being (repeatedly) hailed with “Hello baby!” (“I’m NOT a baby. I’m 10 years old!”)

* For Sel: trying to buy a bra and being laughed out of a department store in Chiang Mai when they couldn’t find one nearly big enough!

Biggest mistakes

* Assuming that island hopping up the Andaman coast of Thailand would be cheap and easy; it was complicated and expensive

* Not realising that Lunar New Year knocked out half the transport options between Laos and Vietnam, necessitating expensive flights

* Not clocking that we needed a visa for the US (you all know that story by now), nearly scuppering our trip before it had started

* Getting the public bus from Luang Prabang to Vang Vieng in Laos – took almost twice as long as advertised and Sel spent most of it being sick

* Sel’s baggy trousers (we said “You can’t touch those” – she didn’t agree!)

Currencies used

* Dollar (US), Dollar (NZ), Dollar (Aus), Dollar (Singapore), Ringgit (Malaysian), Baht (Thai), Kip (Lao), Dong (Vietnamese)

Most ridiculous currency conversion rate

£1 = 32,000 Dong

No of times, in Thailand, we said ‘What do you expect, it’s Thailand?’

We lost count…

Illnesses

(We got off very lightly)

Sel: 1 cold (subsequently passed on to Joe & Jon in USA)

Joe: 1 cold (USA); ear infection (resulting in interesting ear syringing experience in health clinic on Ko Lanta, Thailand); projectile vomiting one night in Hue (Vietnam), recovered by the morning.

Charlie: 1 slightly poorly tummy (Thailand)

Jon: 1 cold (USA); 1 inexplicable temporary blindness/dodgy stomach/weird heat rash (Malaysia) (quickly recovered!)

Things lost

* 1 Catty (replaced with Kattee mk2); 1 hairbrush; 2 T-shirts; 4 teeth (Joe); 1 tooth (Charlie); 16 kg (Sel)

Things acquired

* Soft toys: 5 (doubling the already high initial toy quotient – Charlie can be very persuasive…)

* Sel’s clothes: also doubled (she packed light for a reason)

* 4 Chinese lanterns, 6 reclining Buddhas, one waving cat, one wooden spatula, one block of wood (source of an ongoing Sel/Jon debate: ‘Why exactly are we lugging this around?’), 5 fridge magnets plus assorted presents

Modes of transport taken

* Flights: 15

* Hire cars: 7 (including one campervan)